Back in January, my friend Scooterlassie pointed out an article from the English Sunday Times quoting a study which showed that smacking your kids up until the age of six might actually make them more successful teenagers. I firmly believe that the UK has gone from one mad extreme - caning - to another - arresting parents for smacking their kids. Their policy has certainly done nothing to protect kids as we see from cases such as Baby P and numerous others over the years and while I'm not particularly in favour of smacking, I am not against it either. Everything in moderation is my motto and although I would prefer not to smack and I usually only resort to it out of frustration, I do believe that it sometimes has a place in disciplining one's kids. Yes, it is hypocritical to tell your kids that hitting is wrong and then turn round and whoop them yourselves, but there are also life lessons to be learnt from understanding why you have lashed out, particularly if you stop to discuss and explain your actions. Sometimes a short, sharp shock is also necessary. If you've tried reprimanding in your strictest voice, threatened punishments, counted to three and have been repeatedly ignored, or if the fact that your child is stubbornly ignoring you is putting them in imminent danger, then I find a good strong ear-flick works wonders. It even meets the UK guidelines as it doesn't usually leave any lasting red marks and while admittedly it does hurt like hell (I have tried this on myself and my husband!), the pain dissipates as quickly as it arrived. No lasting physical damage at least! Other benefits are that it is very discrete and when delivering one of these in public, it is very hard for people to understand what you've just done. The only real evidence that you have indeed done something is the immediate reaction of the child - obedience, particularly if another flick is threatened!
Now some of you will no doubt be horrified and some, like a friend I mentioned this to recently, will be accusing me of child abuse. However, all I can say is that I love my kids enormously and the brighter your kids are, the more they need and respect discipline. They get plenty of cuddles and kisses and positive physical contact to counteract a smack or an ear-flick here and there. Also, they (almost) always get warned that the ear-flick is coming and most importantly, I do my best to explain my actions and reactions. Given my friend's admonishments when I told her about my ear-flicking habits, I even discussed this with my kids. They actually said they preferred smacking to ear-flicking which I thought was a bit mad, but perhaps it has to do with the fact that they get smacked less than they get ear-flicked! I did say I would try and do less ear-flicking, so the other day when I threatened to flick my daughter's ear for something (probably bossing her brother around as usual) she said "I thought you weren't going to flick our ears anymore!" To which I replied, "well I've decided that it's not that bad and if you don't like it then I suggest you don't do it to your kids." "Ok," she replied and happily carried on with her game. I feel this is fair enough. Just the way I have banned face-slapping in our house because my mother used to do it to me and I hated it with a passion, I feel my kids can make that same judgement when they have kids. If they feel ear-flicking is a step too far, then they can find another solution which suits them better. Having my face slapped did not scar me physically or psychologically (at least I don't think so!) and it is not something that happened often, but it is something I remember disliking intensely and so I have decided to break that pattern and not repeat it. I think my kids are intelligent and well-rounded enough to judge for themselves and make similar decisions when the time comes. In the meantime, I see plenty of kids who get less discipline than mine and who are far rougher when playing with other kids. Granted mine beat each other up on a regular basis, but at least they do not beat up other people's kids even when they have on occasion been hit by other kids themselves. Rather than retaliate, they come to me and tell me what the offending child has done ....perhaps in the hope that I will teach them a lesson with a jolly good ear-flicking! Bad mother? Only time will tell. In the meantime, whenever my son has been caught misbehaving he quickly covers his ears with his hands and gives me a cheeky grin, so occasionally I have to go for his nose instead!
By Mummy Dearest
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